Money. It’s a big deal. And, if you’re like most people, you probably have a lot of thoughts, feelings, and emotions around healing your relationship with money.
We all have to deal with money in some capacity—spending it, saving it, making it—but when we’re facing a money struggle, we don’t always talk about it openly. Why? It’s often because when it comes to facing our financial problems, it’s hard to know where to even start.
In our relationship with money, many of us are left feeling confused, frustrated, and downright broke. We’re consistently inundated with messages telling us that in order to be successful, happy, and loved, we need to have more money. And if we don’t have enough, then there’s little hope for us.
The constant messaging of needing more leaves many of us stuck in an endless cycle of guilt and shame.
But it doesn’t have to be that way! There are several ways to heal your relationship with money—and it starts with changing your money mindset.
What is a scarcity mindset?
Do you feel like there’s never enough money to go around? Do you worry that you’ll never be able to save up enough or make ends meet? If so, then you likely have a scarcity mindset.
It’s common for people to feel the weight of their finances on their shoulders. This feeling can lead you into an endless cycle where even when things are going well, there is still a thought that everything could change at any moment:
“I could never afford that.”
“I need to save way more money.”
“I’ll never be able to retire.”
These are all examples of negative self-talk that can keep you feeling stuck in a rut. And to get rid of these worries, you need to heal your money trauma.
Start thinking, “abundance!”
We’ll help you get started.
9 Ways To Heal Your Relationship With Money
1. Examine your money history—what do you believe about money?
We all have a money story. It’s the set of beliefs and values that we’ve been taught about money since we were young. These beliefs often shape our relationship with money as adults.
To heal money trauma, it’s important to examine your money history. What were you taught about money growing up? Did your parents talk about money openly, or was it taboo? How were finances handled in your household?
By answering these questions, you’ll become more aware of your own personal money story. And once you’re aware of it, you can begin to change the narrative.
2. Assess your spending habits
Where is your money going? Do you tend to spend impulsively, or do you carefully budget and save? It may be difficult to admit, but our spending habits often reflects deeper emotions and issues.
For example, if you’re constantly spending money on clothes and shoes even though you have a closet full of them, it may be a sign that you’re using shopping to deal with feelings of insecurity or low self-esteem.
On the other hand, if you’re extremely frugal and never spend money on anything, it could be a sign that you’re afraid of losing control.
Regardless of where you fall on the spending spectrum, you need to be honest about your spending habits. And once you have a better understanding of why you spend money the way you do, it’s time to start making changes.
It helps to understand that healing your relationship with money is not just about how much you make but also what kind of life it brings. And you’re the only one who gets to decide if your spending habits match your goals and aspirations to be the best version of yourself.
3. Speak kindly to yourself about money
According to the law of attraction, “positive thoughts births positive results.”
If you’re constantly thinking negative thoughts about money, it’s likely that you’ll attract more financial problems into your life. But if you start thinking more positively, you’ll begin to see opportunities for abundance and prosperity.
It all starts with self-love. Instead of criticizing yourself for every little purchase, start congratulating yourself when you are being smart with your money.
And don’t forget to celebrate your financial successes, no matter how small they may be. When you start to see money in a positive light, it will begin to flow more easily into your life.
4. Start a gratitude practice centered around abundance
Here’s something to try: Every day, take a few minutes to write down three things you’re grateful for about your finances.
It could be something as simple as:
- I’m grateful for my job
- I’m grateful for my savings account
- I’m grateful that I don’t have to worry about paying rent
The idea is to shift your mindset from one of scarcity to one of abundance. When you focus on what you have rather than what you don’t have, you begin to see money differently.
And as you continue to practice gratitude, you’ll begin to notice more financial blessings in your life.
5. Don’t be afraid to seek the help of a financial wellness coach
There’s no shame in admitting that you need help to heal your money trauma. In fact, seeking professional help is one of the bravest things you can do.
A financial wellness coach can help you understand your money story and how it’s impacting your life. They will offer a listening ear, tools to help you grow, and a safe space to talk about money.
With a coach, you can learn money tips like how to save, how to limit impulsive spending, how to spend on the things you do want, and how to invest. But more importantly, you’ll learn how to love and respect yourself―both emotionally and financially.
6. Talk to your partner (and potential partners) about money
If you’re in a relationship, it’s crucial to have open and honest conversations about money. After all, money is one of the leading causes of arguments in relationships.
Sit down with your partner and discuss your financial goals, spending habits, and concerns about money. Be sure to listen to their worries as well. By understanding each other’s money story, you can begin to heal your collective relationship with money.
And if you’re not in a relationship, make money conversations part of the norm with potential partners. When you’re upfront about your financial situation, you can weed out people who aren’t on the same page as you.
Having those money talks save you time, energy, and heartache in the long run.
7. Build your confidence
Low self-esteem is often at the root of money problems. If you don’t believe that you’re worthy of abundance, you’ll never allow yourself to experience it. It’s time to build your confidence and self-worth from the inside out.
Start by making a list of your accomplishments, both personal and professional. Include everything from completing a 5K to getting a promotion at work. Then, read through your list to remind yourself that it took work to achieve those things and you are capable of success.
As you build your confidence, you’ll find that your relationship with money begins to improve. You’ll be less likely to make impulsive purchases and more likely to save and invest for your future.
8. Start giving
You know that feeling that comes when you give someone a gift they appreciate? The warm feeling of happiness that you made someone’s day; it’s one of the most powerful emotions we can experience.
When you make charity a part of your life, you open yourself up to more abundance. You begin to see money as a means of making other people happy rather than something that causes you anxiety and stress.
So, how can you start giving?
You don’t have to spend a lot of money to make a difference. Start by giving your time, your energy, or your talents. You can also decide to volunteer at a local food bank or soup kitchen.
Every act of giving brings you one step closer to healing your relationship with money.
9. Make a plan
You’ve come a long way already. Now it’s time to put your plan into action. What specific, actionable, and measurable steps can you take to get where you want to be?
Start by setting some financial goals. What do you want to achieve in the short term and long term? Once you have your goals in mind, start working on what it will take to get you there.
If you want to earn more money, figure out the exact amount you’d like to earn each year and how much you need to make every step of the way. Then, put together a plan to make it happen.
If you want to open a retirement account, do the same.
And perhaps the biggest goal of all: if you want to heal your relationship with money, you have to acknowledge where you’ve been, where you are, and where you want to go.
And then do it!
Healing your relationship with money is a journey, not a destination. It’s a process that takes time, patience, and self-compassion.
Don’t be hard on yourself if you don’t see immediate results. Trust that the universe is conspiring in your favor and that, with a bit of extra work, you will heal your money trauma.
Use these nine steps as a guide, but ultimately, the healing process is up to you. You have the power to heal your relationship with money, and it all starts with a decision.